Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Saw it in a magazine

Occasionally you read something pithy that changes your life in some small way. I was thinking about that today at lunch. When I reached for a straw to drink my diet Pepsi with, I remembered something I'd once read in Esquire, something like "A man does not look good drinking anything through a straw." So I left the straw on the table today.

That got me to thinking about other behaviors men should avoid. (Additions to this list are welcome, so please post a comment.) In no particular order, a man should not:

Remove any hair from the neck down. He’ll look like a peeled potato.

Go unshaven as an affectation.

Wear shoes in need of polishing.

Order a cocktail generically (“gin and tonic” instead of, say, “Bombay Sapphire and tonic with a twist of lime, please”)

Ignore style advice from a woman.

Look at an approaching woman’s feet. She will be under the impression that he’s going to give every inch of her the once-over as he raises his gaze. Instead, make immediate eye contact.

Let the long end of a tie fall short of his belt buckle or more than an inch below it.

Forget to trim the hair on the back of his neck.

Forget to say “thank you.”

Forget to say “please.”

Treat servers, counter attendants, cashiers, etc., as members of a lower social order.

Forget to pick up and clean up after himself.

Forget the gracious art of listening.

Gesture or otherwise attempt to communicate with cretins with driver’s licenses.


Accept too much of the credit, or fail to be generous when spreading it.

View humility as a sign of weakness.

Be disappointed when good things he does go unacknowledged. That's life.

Fail to consider other viewpoints.

Refuse to admit when he’s wrong.


Fail to return a call.


Refuse to laugh at the other guy's joke.

Delight in someone's misfortune.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 23rd, 2008 12:05 am (UTC)
My version ...
A man should never ...

Forget to put the toilet seat down.

Call a woman a bitch or a ho, or disrespect her in any other way, without expecting to get his ass whipped.

Take a woman to dinner and expect her to pay.

Hit a woman.

Abandon his kids.

Disrespect his mother.

Underestimate the power of a woman.

Whine like a little bitch. It's so unattractive.

Be intimidated by a strong, independent woman.

(Didn't mean to get off on a feminist-like tangent here, but I couldn't resist.) ;)

Jul. 23rd, 2008 12:21 am (UTC)
All good stuff. Thanks for joining in.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 12:34 am (UTC)
I'm going to second mediastarr, and also say a good man should never be afraid to love.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 12:36 am (UTC)
Whoops. A man should also forgive his girlfriend for using his computer and accidentally posting her comment under his LJ name.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)
Agreed on both counts.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 01:05 am (UTC)
That's a good one!!!
Jul. 23rd, 2008 03:05 am (UTC)
I'd go with Chris' comment about not being afraid to love.

Also, a man should be secure enough in himself to applaud his woman's accomplishments.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 12:31 pm (UTC)
Jul. 23rd, 2008 06:03 am (UTC)
I wondered why you left the straw on the table.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 12:32 pm (UTC)
A nice bit of observation on your part.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 12:14 pm (UTC)
The shined shoes one is a lesson hubby learned well from his father, who taught him that it was critically important. And certainly many of these rules would apply to women as well.

I'll add that a man should not:

Comb the hair from the back of his neck into a convoluted swirl plastered to the top of his head in an attempt to cover the bald spot. (Trust us, the bald spot looks waaaaay better)

Wear a toupee that looks, well, like a toupee.

Wear his shirt unbuttoned to his navel, no matter how stunning his collection of gold chains may be.

* * * *

But how come a guy can't laugh at the other guy's joke? Isn't that why guys tell jokes to each other?
Jul. 23rd, 2008 12:29 pm (UTC)
Whoops! I meant "not laugh." I'll have to change that. Thanks for the catch.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

Latest Month

March 2017

Wish I'd Said It

Nota bene: “Fear has governed my life, if I think about it. ... I always feel like I’m not good enough for some reason. I wish that wasn’t the case, but left to my own devices, that voice starts speaking up.” – Trent Reznor

“I hate to say this, but not many people care what you do. They care about what you do as much as you care about what they do. Think about it. Just exactly that much. You are not the center of the universe.” — Laurie Anderson

"The path's not yours till you've gone it alone a time." – William Carlos Williams

“Filling this empty space constitutes my identity.” – Twyla Tharp

"My definition of peace is having no noise in my head." – Eric Clapton

"The wreckage of the sky serves to confirm us in delicious error." – John Ashbery

"We are all here by the grace of the big bang. We are all literally the stuff of the stars." – Dwight Owsley

"For my part, I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream." – Vincent van Gogh

"It is only with the heart that one can see right; what is essential is invisible to the eye." — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"Forget about being a perfectionist, because entropy always wins out in the end." – Darren Kaufman.

"Impermanence. Impermanence. Impermanence." – Garry Shandling

"Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion." – Mark Twain

"There is no realm wherein we have the truth." – Gordon Lish

"Actual life is full of false clues and sign-posts that lead nowhere." – E.M. Forster

“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." – Frank Zappa

“I try to leave out the parts that readers tend to skip.” – Elmore Leonard

“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.” – Voltaire

• Journal title and subtitle: Ian Hunter, “Man Overboard”


Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow