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News 4 Buffalo: the weather forecast

Don Postles: Don't forget to tune in at 11 for our exclusive report from investigative reporter Luke Moretti: "Criminals: Threat or Menace?"

But now, the weather. Don Paul, there's a lot of weather in Western New York, isn't there?

Don Paul: That's right. There's always weather in Western New York. My exclusive forecast — including those maps that look like the Joshua Light Show from the Fillmore West before acid was made illegal — is coming right up after these messages.

(Paul rushes off camera, where a well-dressed man is seated at a table, sipping espresso. The man speaks):

Don Corleone: But uh, now you come to me and you say -- "Don Corleone, give me the four-day outlook." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you call me to your studio on Elmwood Avenue on the day my daughter is to be married, and you uh...ask me for the weather forecast, for the chances of precipitation for the work week.

Paul: I ask you for justice, for the information from the National Weather Service.

Don Corleone: That is not justice; call the weather service yourself.

Paul: Then the viewers can suffer then, as they will not know whether to carry an umbrella. The weather service meteorologist was of no help to me. How much shall I pay you?

Don Corleone: (stands, turning his back toward Paul) Paul ... Paul ... What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? Had you come to me in friendship, then this meteorologist, this scum that ruined your forecast, would be suffering this very day. And that by chance if an honest meteorologist such as yourself should call for sunshine and then have it rain all day, and make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you.

Paul: Be my friend --(then, after bowing and the Don shrugs)-- Godfather?

Don Corleone: (after Paul kisses his hand) Good. Some day, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a seven-day extended outlook for me. But uh, until that day -- accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day.

(Broadcast returns from commercial; Paul rushes back to set.)


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 15th, 2008 02:19 pm (UTC)
Did he ever give the forecast???

May. 15th, 2008 07:39 pm (UTC)
It got whacked.
May. 15th, 2008 04:32 pm (UTC)
This could go all the way at Sundance.
May. 15th, 2008 07:40 pm (UTC)
And y'all thought I only wrote news.
May. 15th, 2008 07:51 pm (UTC)
and nodressrehersal is heard wailing in the distance
"But do I need an umbrella, or don't I, Don Paul? And stop mesmerizing me with your unevenly shaved quasi-mustache!"
May. 15th, 2008 08:37 pm (UTC)
Re: and nodressrehersal is heard wailing in the distance
I'm still trying to figure out the difference between "partly cloudy" and "mostly sunny."
May. 15th, 2008 08:49 pm (UTC)
Re: and nodressrehersal is heard wailing in the distance
Same difference as glass half full/half empty, I guess. Mostly sunny sounds waaay better, though.
May. 16th, 2008 01:00 am (UTC)
I hope Act II is coming soon.
May. 16th, 2008 11:13 am (UTC)
I don't even know where Act I came from.
May. 16th, 2008 02:56 am (UTC)
I'd hate to be the guy who wakes up and finds an inside-out umbrella in his bed.
May. 16th, 2008 11:11 am (UTC)
Great line, Cmac.
May. 16th, 2008 05:00 am (UTC)
I'm with the Nightfly -- encore?
May. 16th, 2008 11:14 am (UTC)
Maybe someday I'll do something with Don Vito, "Don" Trump and "Don" Duck.
May. 16th, 2008 03:27 pm (UTC)
falling off my chair. again. le lj relief de comique (that's a special brand of frenglish for ya folks, bearing little resemblance to either language) always greatly appreciated.
May. 16th, 2008 03:34 pm (UTC)
If I can make somebody laugh, I've had a good day.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )

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