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Send lawyers, guns, money — and editors

My wife is watching TV in the other room, and as I passed the doorway, I heard a commercial voice-over talking about "unnecessary deaths" being linked to a certain medication.

As opposed to, say, "necessary deaths."

Anyway, the voice went on to say:

"If you or a loved one have suffered from kidney failure or cardiac death after surgery, call ..."

Let's break down the possibilities:

• "If you have suffered from kidney failure, call ..."

• "If a loved one has suffered from kidney failure, call ..."

• "If a loved one has suffered from cardiac death, call ..." and

(You knew I was leading up to this)

• "If you have suffered from cardiac death, call ..."

If that happens to me, I will call. Collect.

The deposition should be a hoot.

And I hope I get to testify if we go to trial.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 2nd, 2008 12:29 pm (UTC)
Do drug companies not employ people bright enough to actually listen to their commercials before they air?

I can't think of one that doesn't list side effects that sound every bit as bad as the symptoms they allegedly cure.

Great! No more allergy sniffling and sneezing, but don't venture far from a toilet; nausea and diarrhea should kick in any minute now.

And is it just me? There's a new commercial out for some sort of herpes medication; it shows a fake couple talking with a fake doctor, but THERE'S NO SOUND. I've seen it three times now on different channels on different days. What up w'that? Jeez. I hope herpes doesn't cause deafness...
May. 2nd, 2008 12:37 pm (UTC)
I always tell my students that if they can write well they'll stand out from the pack because the world is full of lousy writers.

I think there's no sound on that commercial because in that scene, everyone's talking about Naughty Body Parts. Notice how products like that don't get any celebrity endorsements, though.

May. 2nd, 2008 12:55 pm (UTC)
Ah, but one good side effect: I read this entry to the several people at my house last night and we all had a very fine laugh. Thanks.
May. 2nd, 2008 02:24 pm (UTC)
Any time I can make someone laugh, my day's work on earth is done.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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