?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Send lawyers, guns, money — and editors

My wife is watching TV in the other room, and as I passed the doorway, I heard a commercial voice-over talking about "unnecessary deaths" being linked to a certain medication.

As opposed to, say, "necessary deaths."

Anyway, the voice went on to say:

"If you or a loved one have suffered from kidney failure or cardiac death after surgery, call ..."

Let's break down the possibilities:

• "If you have suffered from kidney failure, call ..."

• "If a loved one has suffered from kidney failure, call ..."

• "If a loved one has suffered from cardiac death, call ..." and

(You knew I was leading up to this)

• "If you have suffered from cardiac death, call ..."

If that happens to me, I will call. Collect.

The deposition should be a hoot.

And I hope I get to testify if we go to trial.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
nodressrehersal
May. 2nd, 2008 12:29 pm (UTC)
Do drug companies not employ people bright enough to actually listen to their commercials before they air?

I can't think of one that doesn't list side effects that sound every bit as bad as the symptoms they allegedly cure.

Great! No more allergy sniffling and sneezing, but don't venture far from a toilet; nausea and diarrhea should kick in any minute now.

And is it just me? There's a new commercial out for some sort of herpes medication; it shows a fake couple talking with a fake doctor, but THERE'S NO SOUND. I've seen it three times now on different channels on different days. What up w'that? Jeez. I hope herpes doesn't cause deafness...
patrick_vecchio
May. 2nd, 2008 12:37 pm (UTC)
I always tell my students that if they can write well they'll stand out from the pack because the world is full of lousy writers.

I think there's no sound on that commercial because in that scene, everyone's talking about Naughty Body Parts. Notice how products like that don't get any celebrity endorsements, though.

penshark
May. 2nd, 2008 12:55 pm (UTC)
Ah, but one good side effect: I read this entry to the several people at my house last night and we all had a very fine laugh. Thanks.
patrick_vecchio
May. 2nd, 2008 02:24 pm (UTC)
Any time I can make someone laugh, my day's work on earth is done.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

Latest Month

March 2017
S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Wish I'd Said It

Nota bene: “Fear has governed my life, if I think about it. ... I always feel like I’m not good enough for some reason. I wish that wasn’t the case, but left to my own devices, that voice starts speaking up.” – Trent Reznor

“I hate to say this, but not many people care what you do. They care about what you do as much as you care about what they do. Think about it. Just exactly that much. You are not the center of the universe.” — Laurie Anderson

"The path's not yours till you've gone it alone a time." – William Carlos Williams

“Filling this empty space constitutes my identity.” – Twyla Tharp

"My definition of peace is having no noise in my head." – Eric Clapton

"The wreckage of the sky serves to confirm us in delicious error." – John Ashbery

"We are all here by the grace of the big bang. We are all literally the stuff of the stars." – Dwight Owsley

"For my part, I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream." – Vincent van Gogh

"It is only with the heart that one can see right; what is essential is invisible to the eye." — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"Forget about being a perfectionist, because entropy always wins out in the end." – Darren Kaufman.

"Impermanence. Impermanence. Impermanence." – Garry Shandling

"Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion." – Mark Twain

"There is no realm wherein we have the truth." – Gordon Lish

"Actual life is full of false clues and sign-posts that lead nowhere." – E.M. Forster

“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." – Frank Zappa

“I try to leave out the parts that readers tend to skip.” – Elmore Leonard

“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.” – Voltaire

• Journal title and subtitle: Ian Hunter, “Man Overboard”

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow