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The roaring silence

I don’t drink much—a beer, maybe two, after mowing the lawn or with a meal. Two is my limit, because I immediately go from two to “too many.” Even at events where social drinking is going on, I often will drink diet cola so I can remain clear-headed.

During the summer I enjoy gin and tonic, although this summer, I’m substituting raspberry lemonade and a bit of lime juice for the tonic. I’ve had perhaps half a dozen of them this month.

Last night, though, I had a hankering for a whisky sour. It was late. Everybody was in bed, but I was still up, and I thought a tall drink would shake some thoughts out of my brain so I could write about them. Sometimes it works. Last night it didn’t. The more I drank, the less I felt like writing, so I decided the best thing to do would be to sleep and write with a fresh brain in the morning.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been dealing with a couple of mental hangnails. Each night, as I lie on my back waiting for sleep to come, their discomfort grows more acute, and only sleep makes it go away. Last night, though, I must have poured more into my glass than I thought, because the whisky numbed the ache. The never-ceasing interior monologue had been muted, and I realized I couldn’t remember the last time I heard the roaring silence.

I want to hear it again.


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 2nd, 2016 01:31 pm (UTC)
Stop reading the NYT. :)
Jun. 3rd, 2016 01:25 am (UTC)
I was in one of those moods yesterday where Highlights for Children would have bummed me out.
Jun. 3rd, 2016 04:00 pm (UTC)
Forsooth, Goofus & Gallant can bum anyone out with their dissenting personalities.
Jun. 3rd, 2016 08:19 pm (UTC)
"Forsooth" is a word that should be used more. I also think there needs to be more smiting going on.
Jun. 4th, 2016 06:17 pm (UTC)
I'm occasionally fond of the "wailing" and "gnashing" as well, but we are in total agreement on the smiting.
Jun. 2nd, 2016 03:37 pm (UTC)
Cheers to hearing the roaring silence sometime again (for both of us)!
Jun. 3rd, 2016 01:24 am (UTC)
I can see how the need for silence might lead some people to alcohol, opiods, heroin and the like.
Jun. 6th, 2016 05:59 pm (UTC)
Kind of empathising here. For various boring reasons, today is the first day in too many days that I have *not* had a headache, and it feels weirdly, happily quiet in my brain. :-)

When it comes to brain chatter in the moments before sleep, have you ever tried imagining you were someone else? Not someone with a perfect life or no worries - that's just not realistic. More like, swapping your annoying trains of thought/irritations for someone else's fictional ones. What seems to work best is some scenario that is inescapable for the time being, involves 'mild peril', and turns out to be less dangerous than it first appears. I generally find I fall asleep before I've even decided what the 'mild peril' is going to be! >.<
Jun. 7th, 2016 09:19 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading and commenting. I hope your headaches don't come back.

Most of the time I can fall asleep relatively quickly, so the self-recriminating voices go away. If this doesn't happen, I slip the headphones on and listen to Django Reinhardt. That usually takes care of things.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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