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If the artisans spoke Spanish ...

We are bombarded by so many messages each day that we process most of them on mental auto-pilot. We have to, or we would be paralyzed by words and pictures. We see them but do not pay attention to them until suddenly, one of them lights the "WTF?" thought balloon over our comic-book heads.

Take, for example, the messages on the bag of my favorite brand of salsa chips:

title or description

Yep: "artisan" recipes. My dictionary defines an artisan as a "worker in a skilled trade; craftsman."

Who knows? Maybe Frito-Lay hired a sou chef or a judge from Chopped to create this new flavor. And, to paraphrase Samuel L. Jackson's character Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction, "Mmm-mmmm. That is a tasty chip."

But whoever had to describe the flavor lost something in the translation, according to the website www.brandeating.com:

It should be pointed out that "queso" literally translates to "cheese" in Spanish, and therefore "three cheese queso" is "three cheese cheese." Perhaps they should have just called it "Cheese Cheese Queso" and be done with it.

I know one thing: If the artisans spoke Spanish, they must have rolled their eyes when they saw the label.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 23rd, 2013 11:11 pm (UTC)
It's worth noting that, since these are "artisan" chips, they cost more than regular tortilla chips. I'm sure the workers on the line wear chef hats and the traditional black and white checkered pants.
Aug. 23rd, 2013 11:41 pm (UTC)
Hell yes they cost more—which doesn't stop me from sitting down and scarfing down a whole bag of them in one sitting. Which I know I shouldn't do because of all the carbs and what they do to my blood sugar, but I have zero willpower, absolutely none.

Fortunately, I lost so much weight on the Shingles Diet that all of the slacks I had outgrown are actually small now, so I have to put some weight back on. Yeah—that's why I eat 13 servings of Tostitos at once: I need to put weight back on. It has nothing to do with gluttony.
Aug. 24th, 2013 12:25 am (UTC)
Oh, you should do what I do and buy "Veggie Chips" from the health food snack isle and convince yourself that you're actually eating, you know, veggies. Kiddo is away on his golf weekend so veggie chips = dinner tonight. Yum. Next up, carmel sea salt ice cream for um, for dairy. Yeah, that's it, for the calcium.
Aug. 24th, 2013 12:46 am (UTC)
Ice cream = dairy. Beautiful. I'm headed for the Park & Shop as soon as I hit "send."
Aug. 24th, 2013 12:52 am (UTC)
Godspeed. Your bones are depending on you.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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