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Rebel bicyclists without a clue

When I was in grade school, oh, about the second grade, I learned that when I was walking along the hallway, I should keep to my right.

Apparently, they don't teach this in grade school anymore. Whenever I go grocery shopping or do any other kind of shopping involving a cart, other shoppers heading toward me on their left in the aisle are oblivious that they're driving in the wrong lane. They act annoyed when I simply stop and refuse to get out of their way. Someday, and someday soon, I'll pretend I'm as distracted as one of them is and smash my cart head-on into theirs.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I'll say. "You weren't paying attention to where you were going." This will be an especially fine feeling if the cart I ram is being trolleyed about by someone who simply stopped in the aisles without looking to see if his or her idle cart is in anybody's way.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I'll say. "I didn't expect you to stop right in my way like that."

Another trend that bothers me has potentially serious consequences: bicyclists riding against traffic. On busy roads. With no helmet on. And (I swear) talking on cellphones. Or (better yet) wearing earphones. Or smoking, which takes us into the center of Rebel Without a Clue territory. Let's see: car traveling at 30 mph collides with bicycle moving at 10 mph. I'll put my money on the car, and I'll further lay money on the probability that the bicyclist is going to get hurt.

Can't we just deport all of these people to England?

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
createdestiny
Jul. 24th, 2012 04:42 am (UTC)
Arg! This is a big pet peeve for me, too. Bicyclists riding on the wrong side of the road really irk me.
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 24th, 2012 02:27 pm (UTC)
It's too bad the speed at which we pass only allows us to say one word, maybe two at best, to the cyclist. My choices are "moron" and "fkng moron."
anita_margarita
Jul. 24th, 2012 04:53 am (UTC)
My husband, for all his good characteristics, has a habit that makes me want to scream.

When we are in Europe - this is the only time he does this - we often have to get on escalators. (There is ONE escalator here in town.) Being much more accustomed to moving about in Europe (and cities in general) than he, I step on first, and lean to the right.

He then follows, steps behind me, and then MOVES TO STAND BESIDE ME ON THE LEFT, thus blocking anyone who wants to pass.

I understand WHY he does it. He wants to be with me. But I have pointed out many, many times that he is blocking traffic, yet he doesn't seem to grasp that he is being a PITA to all the other escalator riders.

Thank God that rides are rarely more than 30 seconds.
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 24th, 2012 02:18 pm (UTC)
PITA—that's beautiful.
nodressrehersal
Jul. 24th, 2012 01:11 pm (UTC)
Or how about the shopper who shoots you a dirty look, even though you're just waiting patiently for her to move her aisle-blocking, inconsiderate, oblivious, cart-driving ass OUT OF THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE, where she's parked at a jaunty angle so nobody can pass her on either side.

For some reason, smoking while bicycling seems like the ultimate dichotomous act, although I suppose it's more than likely those people aren't riding for the health benefits.
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 24th, 2012 02:16 pm (UTC)
I hear you. I'm just trying to get out of the store as quickly as I can. I'm polite to polite people, but I can out-rude the rudest.

Good point on the bicycling/smoking. Come to think about it, I may have done the same thing during the heart of my Lost Decase.
inkling7
Jul. 25th, 2012 03:20 am (UTC)
True story: I saw a man on campus riding a bicycle DOWNHILL in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, HELMETLESS, no eyes on the road and no hands on the handlebars because they were otherwise occupied TEXTING while he hurtled to his almost certain serious injury. "Look, Ma! No brains!"
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 25th, 2012 01:53 pm (UTC)
We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen. That wins this year's version of the Academy Award for Stupidity.
(Anonymous)
Jul. 25th, 2012 06:17 pm (UTC)
I had a guy who was running in the street (rather than on the nice wide sidewalk) give me a very nasty glare and gesture for me to move further from the curb as he ran against the flow of traffic. How dare I??!?
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 25th, 2012 11:24 pm (UTC)
I've got some nice gestures (and not the finger) for circumstances like that.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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