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Adult beverages, adult weight

Summer usually is gin season, but this summer I've been drinking a lot of whiskey sours.

File that thought for a moment.

This summer I have been riding my bicycles much more than in the previous two summers. Last year, the low mileage was due to laziness and waiting for the perfect day to ride: warm, but no overly so; sunny, but not too much; no wind; and no rain. Around here, we get maybe a dozen such days a year. The lack of perfect conditions gave me great excuses to not ride. The summer before last I needed carpal tunnel surgery on both hands in July because when I was riding, my hands were going numb, which is not a good situation when you're zipping down a hill at 30 mph. By the time I recovered, I figured I'd just put the bike away for the season, even though I had recovered by early September.

But this summer I've decided to ride, perfect conditions be damned. I have two bicycles. One is a road bike that's the equivalent of a Porsche: The frame and fork are made of super-light carbon fiber, any metal parts are made of lightweight alloys, the lightweight wheels only have 24 spokes, the tires are less than an inch wide and roll at about 90 pounds psi, and I have 30 speeds to choose from, with the gear shifters and brakes cleverly combined into a single lever on the handlebars. My second bike, a road bike, is the equivalent of a Jeep: slower and harder to ride, but able to gobble up terrain that the road bike simply can't be ridden in. It has 24 speeds, a frame that's part aluminum and part steel, tires that are more than two inches wide that roll at about 45 psi, and in low gear I can practically climb a tree with it. I have been riding the off-road bike almost exclusively this summer so I can get my road bike legs worked into shape for the 20-, 25- and 30-mile rides I take on it.

I rode five days last week, each ride lasting over an hour and requiring nearly two quarts of cold water and three bandanas to soak up the sweat. So this morning, I figured the scales would be kind to me; I'm trying to lose 10 pounds before the semester starts. I was more than somewhat dismayed, then, to discover this morning that I weighed the same as I had last week.

And then I thought about those whiskey sours. I did all the calculations and figured they are about 500 calories per drink, and I was downing two a day, sometimes three. At two a day, that's 7,000 calories in the course of the week. No wonder my weight was staying the same.

So now, I have banned the sours from my list in favor of (shudder) light beer. Granted, it will be Heineken, but still, if I don't do that, I won't have any pants that fit at the start of the semester. Unless I wear my cycling shorts (which contain plenty of Spandex) to class. And that's so ugly a mental picture that I apologize to you for bringing it up.

Comments

( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
theoldsport
Jul. 15th, 2012 11:31 pm (UTC)
You could also convince yourself that you're not losing weight because you're adding muscle. It's one of my favorite tricks....
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 15th, 2012 11:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the tip, Tim. I think you've got it: All the cycling has made each of my legs 5 pounds heavier.

Now, if I only could come up with an excuse for my waistline.
sahlah
Jul. 15th, 2012 11:52 pm (UTC)
Life is cruel - said as sipping a grapefruit Finlandia...
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 16th, 2012 12:20 am (UTC)
I stopped by my favorite liquor store yesterday to pick up some whiskey. It was busy at the cash register, and on the way out, I called out to one of the cashiers, "Mike, I have an idea for a new product."

"What's that?" he said.

"Vodka flavored vodka," I said. Gotta lotta laughs from the customers.
sahlah
Jul. 16th, 2012 12:42 am (UTC)
Ha, ha - how true.

I am a sipper - neat. I will confess to the pepper and grapefruit (winter and summer flavors).

I guess I can't bust on the people that (gag me) get the marshmallow or whip cream flavors...

Didn't you have a theory earlier this week about uplifting the stomach area to a fine set of pecks? :)
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 16th, 2012 03:00 am (UTC)
Yes, that was my latest million-dollar idea. The more I think it through, though, I wonder if the garment can overcome gravity.

I saw a bottle of vodka yesterday that had a red fish on it, and where the flavor is printed, it said, "Gummy." I am not kidding.

nodressrehersal
Jul. 17th, 2012 01:41 am (UTC)
There is such a thing as "Fruit Loop" vodka. I'm not kidding, either.

What kind of world do we live in when it takes a week or two to lose one stinkin' pound, and half a day to put it back on?

And forgive me for shuddering, but there's an ugly rumor going around that someone in your household is capable of consuming a beverage containing the dreaded Amaretto liqueur. Say it ain't so...
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 17th, 2012 01:52 am (UTC)
The rumour is true, but so far she's not licking it off the counter top.

A night that will live in Instant Laugh Land forever.
anita_margarita
Jul. 16th, 2012 12:04 am (UTC)
That made me depressed. I need a depressant.
*Heads for wine*
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 16th, 2012 12:15 am (UTC)
Isn't a glass of red wine a day supposed to be good for your cardiovascular system?

anita_margarita
Jul. 16th, 2012 12:23 am (UTC)
I would think that if one glass is good, two is better. Three should remove all the cholesterol.
sahlah
Jul. 16th, 2012 12:44 am (UTC)
That made me laugh.
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 16th, 2012 03:01 am (UTC)
Four might eliminate the need for half of my meds.
tanadariel
Jul. 16th, 2012 02:26 am (UTC)
You can always buy calorie-free lemonade (I hear it some people drink lemonade with their vodka).
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 16th, 2012 02:55 am (UTC)
I haven't had a taste for vodka since I won 100 vodka-and-orange-juices for first place in a Halloween costume contest at a college bar. They poured them all out on the bar, 100 glasses' worth. Mayhem ensued.

(Anonymous)
Jul. 18th, 2012 06:20 pm (UTC)
The Man with the Pumpkin on his Head will live in some of our hearts forever.... ;)
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 18th, 2012 11:35 pm (UTC)
Helluva night, eh?
(Anonymous)
Jul. 19th, 2012 01:56 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah, what I remember of it anyway.
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 19th, 2012 03:32 pm (UTC)
My former roommate and old friend Ron Stover emailed me from out of nowhere last week. I caught him on the phone and we chatted for two-and-a-half hours. The good news is that he confirmed the details of a lot of things that I remember. The bad news is that he remembered a lot of things that I don't.
vivitalia
Jul. 16th, 2012 01:08 pm (UTC)
I was thinking about this exact subject yesterday. My family spent a week hiking and biking in Maine last week. Lots of mileage, lots of elevation, lots more exercise than I've gotten in ... awhile. Lots more blueberry martinis and bottles of wine, too. I'm generally a gin and tonic or red wine gal, but my boyfriend and I also recently began frequenting a mixology bar that does great cocktails with a longer list of ingredients than most items on their food menu. Probably also more calories than my usual, as well. Followed by a few pints at the local gastropub, more nights than I care to admit. Put it all together, and it's no wonder I'm up a few.

And hey, the whipped cream vodka over ice is a delicious dessert drink. Just add patio.
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 16th, 2012 02:23 pm (UTC)
Whipped cream vodka, maybe some chocolate vodka over vanilla ice cream—I am gaining weight just from typing those words.
vivitalia
Jul. 17th, 2012 03:01 am (UTC)
Heavens. When we were kids, my dad used to make us vanilla ice cream with creme de menthe over the top and hershey's syrup over that. These days, we drink our dessert. I'm still not sure whether that's an improvement or not.
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 17th, 2012 11:55 am (UTC)
I love the creme de menthe/chocolate with vanilla ice cream idea. I would try it if not for my substantial girth this summer.
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )

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