Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Fair warning

I ordered a small black-and-white printer to use in my home office, and it arrived today.

I took it into the office, unloaded it from the box, and then did the typical Guy Thing: hooked it up without reading the instructions. No problem—probably because I have the same printer in my office at work.

After I finished, I spotted a small white packet with writing on it. The packet rattled when I shook it, so I decided it must be something good to eat. (The way I see it, after I've unpacked something, anything left that isn't plastic or Styrofoam is edible.) I ripped open the packet and started chowing down.

It wasn't until I ate half the packet's contents that I looked at the printing on the packet:

Desiccant Silica Gel Do Not Eat Throw Away

The way I figure it, the phrase "Do Not Eat" only appears five times on the packet, so I wasn't given fair warning. Surely a jury will see it my way and agree on a fat settlement.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 8th, 2012 12:05 am (UTC)
A jury would probably go your way. I say this because my hairdryer has a sticker on it that advises me not to remove the sticker, ever, because its purpose is to remind me not to use the hairdryer while in the bathtub.
Mar. 8th, 2012 05:31 am (UTC)
So now you have implants. Big deal. I'll just start calling you "Size D."
Mar. 8th, 2012 05:07 pm (UTC)
Now you know what premenstrual bloat feels like.
Mar. 8th, 2012 07:26 pm (UTC)
You made this up. Please tell me you made this up.
Mar. 11th, 2012 11:06 pm (UTC)
You're right: I didn't eat that stuff.

I ground it up and snorted it.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

Latest Month

March 2017

Wish I'd Said It

Nota bene: “Fear has governed my life, if I think about it. ... I always feel like I’m not good enough for some reason. I wish that wasn’t the case, but left to my own devices, that voice starts speaking up.” – Trent Reznor

“I hate to say this, but not many people care what you do. They care about what you do as much as you care about what they do. Think about it. Just exactly that much. You are not the center of the universe.” — Laurie Anderson

"The path's not yours till you've gone it alone a time." – William Carlos Williams

“Filling this empty space constitutes my identity.” – Twyla Tharp

"My definition of peace is having no noise in my head." – Eric Clapton

"The wreckage of the sky serves to confirm us in delicious error." – John Ashbery

"We are all here by the grace of the big bang. We are all literally the stuff of the stars." – Dwight Owsley

"For my part, I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream." – Vincent van Gogh

"It is only with the heart that one can see right; what is essential is invisible to the eye." — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"Forget about being a perfectionist, because entropy always wins out in the end." – Darren Kaufman.

"Impermanence. Impermanence. Impermanence." – Garry Shandling

"Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion." – Mark Twain

"There is no realm wherein we have the truth." – Gordon Lish

"Actual life is full of false clues and sign-posts that lead nowhere." – E.M. Forster

“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." – Frank Zappa

“I try to leave out the parts that readers tend to skip.” – Elmore Leonard

“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.” – Voltaire

• Journal title and subtitle: Ian Hunter, “Man Overboard”


Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow