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Confidentially speaking

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This image has nothing to do with the following post (except for a reference to Cuba).

I frequently receive e-mails that have a confidentiality notice at the end. It's usually in small print and says something like, "If you've received this message in error, destroy it and don't tell anybody."

Tonight, I realized I probably should have a confidentiality notice at the end of my e-mails, too. So I wrote one and figured I should test it out with LJ readers. Here it is:


CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This e-mail may contain information that you should not read. In fact, if you have read this far, you have gone too far. It’s too late to stop now. Any second, you can expect agents from the Department of Homeland Security to knock on your door. They will be armed. They will have a seat booked for you on a black airplane bound for Guantanamo Bay, no passport required. In fact, you will have no face, no name and no number. Your only hope is to greet these agents with the secret song-and-dance routine. In this routine, you raise your right foot into the air and hop counterclockwise on your left leg while you sing “I Feel Good” by James Brown. I repeat: James Brown! What you have just read is confidential and privileged information for the use of the designated recipients (whoever they are. We haven’t figured it out yet.). Is that period used properly outside the parenthesis? Is there a balm in Gilead? Tell me, tell me, I implore! Wait, wait, wait—back to the official business: If you are not the designated recipient (or authorized to receive for the recipient, or authorized to punt or pass to the recipient, or do not have proof of age that you are at least 43 years old), you are hereby, thereby, whereby notified you have received this communication in error, read it in error and thought about it in error. Any review, disclosure, dissemination, distribution, or duplication of it or its contents is strictly prohibited. And do we mean strict! Remember all that stuff we warned you about earlier—Homeland Security Agents? Black airplanes? Gitmo? That’s as strict as it gets. If you have received this communication in error, please destroy all copies of it now—we said now, dammit!—and contact the sender by telephone. You’ll have to figure out what the sender’s telephone number is, though. Good luck with that one. Quiet! Did I just hear somebody knocking on your door?

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
penshark
May. 23rd, 2011 02:41 am (UTC)
I'll be snickering every time I think of this one.
patrick_vecchio
May. 23rd, 2011 02:51 am (UTC)
Feel free to discuss this in Media Law.
sahlah
May. 23rd, 2011 02:49 am (UTC)
Did you also know you created a super tricky cut for this post? If you link through the cut - the image disappears. If you click on leave a comment - Penshark's comment disappears.

Is this a test. I better start jumping counterclockwise...

Sure, make a liar out of me - as soon as I hit send Penshark's comment appeared.

Edited at 2011-05-23 02:50 am (UTC)
patrick_vecchio
May. 23rd, 2011 02:52 am (UTC)
I'm blaming the CIA for any technical problems. Gotta go now—somebody's at the door.
behindpyramids
May. 24th, 2011 01:47 am (UTC)
so tempted to use this at work. >>>bad ideas<<<<
patrick_vecchio
May. 24th, 2011 01:50 am (UTC)
Try it, just to see if anyone notices.
inkling7
May. 25th, 2011 12:03 am (UTC)
Ditto!
patrick_vecchio
May. 25th, 2011 01:26 am (UTC)
I think you could just take your standard confidentiality notice and see if you can slip James Brown! into it without anyone noticing.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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