?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Lone Woman vs. Menacing Intruder

Last night on television, I saw one of those commercials for a home security monitoring service—you know, the commercials in which a Lone Woman, or a Lone Woman with Small Children, hears window glass breaking in her house, runs to see what the noise is, and is suddenly confronted with a Menacing Intruder? Of course, as soon as the glass breaks, someone from the security service is on the telephone, calling the Lone Woman to assure her help is on the way.

I keep repeating "Lone Woman" because the commercials are sexist that way (the premise being the woman is inherently weak and unable to handle the situation herself). But my real purpose is to call attention to three words that might otherwise get lost in the blizzard of bottom-of-the-screen fine print at the end of the commercial. And those three words are:

"Time sequences truncated."

Jamming a trick word ("truncated") into a torrent of other not-on-the-screen-nearly-long-enough-for-you-to-catch-it-all legalese strikes me as being a less-than-completely-forthright advertising strategy, particularly for a product involving personal safety. Or maybe a better way to put it is:

"Full disclosure truncated."

(Truncated: adj. "cut short or appearing as if cut short." — Webster's New World College Dictionary, fourth edition)

Comments

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
rulefive
Mar. 10th, 2010 08:34 pm (UTC)
Lone Woman should invest in a field hockey stick. Might do more good than those security systems anyway.
patrick_vecchio
Mar. 10th, 2010 08:36 pm (UTC)
I know just the person to teach her how to swing that stick.
rulefive
Mar. 11th, 2010 12:06 am (UTC)
Lone Woman don't take no mess.
patrick_vecchio
Mar. 11th, 2010 01:37 am (UTC)
Too funny!
tanadariel
Mar. 10th, 2010 09:37 pm (UTC)
Hahaha. I love those commercials because men never get attacked, probably because they are out earning wages for the family.

I also wonder, if your house was being robbed, why would you answer the phone? You'd let the robber not only know where you are, but give him/her (wait--robbers are always male) time to get away with all your stuff.
patrick_vecchio
Mar. 10th, 2010 10:19 pm (UTC)
Most of the attacks occur at night, so I think the men are bowling. And under those circumstances, I think I'd let the call go to the answering machine. Not that I would be worried about an attacker, being a guy and all that.
nodressrehersal
Mar. 13th, 2010 02:34 am (UTC)
And if you were going to answer the phone, wouldn't you maybe not pick the one that leaves you standing in the middle of the big open hallway, and instead opt for maybe a portable one that you could take with you into the bathroom where you can lock the door?

I'm so glad I'm not the only person who thinks about stuff like this.
patrick_vecchio
Mar. 13th, 2010 04:07 pm (UTC)
I'm with Justina. I'd be going for the hockey stick.
inkling7
Mar. 10th, 2010 09:51 pm (UTC)
Every time I've seen that commercial I've thought exactly the same thing, Pat. Although I've never seen/read the "fine print" on that commercial (A) I'm nearsighted, and (B) I'm usually bleary-eyed from working on the thesis all day. Very entertaining post though. Thanks.
patrick_vecchio
Mar. 10th, 2010 10:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Sara. I hope you're making headway on the thesis.
inkling7
Mar. 11th, 2010 02:40 am (UTC)
Thanks for the well wishes. My thesis is getting there. I'll hopefully have a complete draft by the end of the next week. *fingers crossed*
un_crayon_rouge
Mar. 11th, 2010 09:14 am (UTC)
Ok, if they are dispatching someone as soon as the glass breaks, it's too late. Menacing Intruder is ALREADY THERE. Lone Woman should pick up the aforementioned hockey stick or just let Menacing Intruder walk away with the laptop, flatscreen and jewelery.
patrick_vecchio
Mar. 11th, 2010 12:49 pm (UTC)
Hockey stick seems to be a popular option.
(Anonymous)
Mar. 11th, 2010 04:05 pm (UTC)
I have an old crow bar that you might recognize. I think it would work. ylads in fl.
patrick_vecchio
Mar. 11th, 2010 10:49 pm (UTC)
Yeah it would. I think a lot of those old tools were our grandfather's, don't you?
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )

Latest Month

March 2017
S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Wish I'd Said It

Nota bene: “Fear has governed my life, if I think about it. ... I always feel like I’m not good enough for some reason. I wish that wasn’t the case, but left to my own devices, that voice starts speaking up.” – Trent Reznor

“I hate to say this, but not many people care what you do. They care about what you do as much as you care about what they do. Think about it. Just exactly that much. You are not the center of the universe.” — Laurie Anderson

"The path's not yours till you've gone it alone a time." – William Carlos Williams

“Filling this empty space constitutes my identity.” – Twyla Tharp

"My definition of peace is having no noise in my head." – Eric Clapton

"The wreckage of the sky serves to confirm us in delicious error." – John Ashbery

"We are all here by the grace of the big bang. We are all literally the stuff of the stars." – Dwight Owsley

"For my part, I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream." – Vincent van Gogh

"It is only with the heart that one can see right; what is essential is invisible to the eye." — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"Forget about being a perfectionist, because entropy always wins out in the end." – Darren Kaufman.

"Impermanence. Impermanence. Impermanence." – Garry Shandling

"Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion." – Mark Twain

"There is no realm wherein we have the truth." – Gordon Lish

"Actual life is full of false clues and sign-posts that lead nowhere." – E.M. Forster

“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." – Frank Zappa

“I try to leave out the parts that readers tend to skip.” – Elmore Leonard

“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.” – Voltaire

• Journal title and subtitle: Ian Hunter, “Man Overboard”

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow