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I wish God would leave me alone



The trouble I’m having with believing in signs from God is that I’m starting to see them everywhere. That tiny cloud way up there: It’s shaped like an eagle! This means—no, wait. It’s starting to evaporate. It’s gone. That means—

Here’s what it means. God is messing with my head. Big time.

“Look, Pat,” God is saying. “Here’s a sign. No—over there!—that’s the sign. Or this one! Or this one! Try this one: What do you think it means?”

I tell God what I think it means.

“Ha-ha! Fooled ya!” God says. Then God shows me more signs and ask what they mean.  I start to answer, and God says, “They don’t mean anything. Ha-ha! Fooled ya!”

 “I’ve had enough,” I tell God. “You’re making me feel like a fool, all right.”

“I know you are but what am I?” God replies.

“C’mon,” I grumble. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Okie-dokie,” God says. “How about a few riddles?” Like I have a choice.

God asks me riddles. They are unfathomable. I answer them by saying, “I don’t know. I don’t know that one. I don’t  know that one either.”

God smirks.

“I knew you wouldn’t get them. Ha-ha!”

God, of course, is a He. If God were a She, She wouldn’t mess with my head. God and I would sit down and talk in a beautiful, quiet garden, and She would tell me answers to questions I was about to ask Her. I wish God were my therapist. She couldn’t heal me—some of us are beyond help and healing—but at least She could help me see how to accept and live with my imperfections.

I get lost in this thought for a moment, and then something taps me on the shoulder. It’s God. He’s holding out something in His hand.

“Pick a card,” God says. “Any card.”

"Can't you just leave me alone?" I ask.

"Oh, noooooo," God says. "That wouldn't be any fun now, would it?"

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( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Jan. 25th, 2017 02:56 pm (UTC)
Eh?
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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Wish I'd Said It

Nota bene: “Fear has governed my life, if I think about it. ... I always feel like I’m not good enough for some reason. I wish that wasn’t the case, but left to my own devices, that voice starts speaking up.” – Trent Reznor

“I hate to say this, but not many people care what you do. They care about what you do as much as you care about what they do. Think about it. Just exactly that much. You are not the center of the universe.” — Laurie Anderson

"The path's not yours till you've gone it alone a time." – William Carlos Williams

“Filling this empty space constitutes my identity.” – Twyla Tharp

"My definition of peace is having no noise in my head." – Eric Clapton

"The wreckage of the sky serves to confirm us in delicious error." – John Ashbery

"We are all here by the grace of the big bang. We are all literally the stuff of the stars." – Dwight Owsley

"For my part, I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream." – Vincent van Gogh

"It is only with the heart that one can see right; what is essential is invisible to the eye." — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"Forget about being a perfectionist, because entropy always wins out in the end." – Darren Kaufman.

"Impermanence. Impermanence. Impermanence." – Garry Shandling

"Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion." – Mark Twain

"There is no realm wherein we have the truth." – Gordon Lish

"Actual life is full of false clues and sign-posts that lead nowhere." – E.M. Forster

“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." – Frank Zappa

“I try to leave out the parts that readers tend to skip.” – Elmore Leonard

“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.” – Voltaire

• Journal title and subtitle: Ian Hunter, “Man Overboard”

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