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America will gobble up my food show idea

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Is "Chopped" judge Marc Murphy ready for a completely different kind of food show?

Sherry and I were talking yesterday about an area restaurateur and, with more than a dollop of irony, Sherry suggested he should be a contestant on the Food Network's show "Chopped."

I immediately started riffing what I would say to the judges if I were a contestant on "Chopped":

"Today I have made for you a grilled peanut butter sandwich with fresh banana slices and marshmallow fluff, a la Elvis."

This got me to thinking: Why do the menus on "Chopped" feature dishes that many of us won't ever set eyes on once that particular episode is over? Why don't the "Chopped" menus feature food like hamburgers and hot dogs cooked on an outdoor grill, as well as pizza, Italian sausage, bratwurst, chicken wings, fish frys, sub sandwiches/hoagies/grinders, tacos, french fries, grilled cheese sandwiches, melts and the like? And by all means the menus should not contain mystery ingredients like cactus hearts and farm-raised grunion.

I can just hear "Chopped" judge Marc Murphy now:

"I really like what you've done with this hot dog. The skin is charred just enough for some flavor but not so deep that the dog is overcooked. I like your minimal use of condiments—and your idea to lightly toast the roll is brilliant."

I would watch every episode of this show if the Food Network ever designed to use my idea. But the name, some of you may be asking. What are you going to call the show?

I've got that all figured out. We'll call it "Chipped." After all, what else would you call a show where the menu items would all come with one of America's favorite snacks?

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
nodressrehersal
Jul. 18th, 2013 01:25 am (UTC)
Ooh, and maybe making a side of chips with every meal could be one of the elimination rounds! Instead of dessert, right? Omg, I want in on this, it's brilliant.

And you're right - all that fabulous effort going into creating a dish no one anywhere ever would want to eat. But I do like the show. Hey, Weber's Piccalilli sauce could be your secret weapon.
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 18th, 2013 01:36 am (UTC)
Have you tried the Weber's Hot Texan Sandwich Sauce? Mustard with an attitude, but it needs some sweet relish to balance the heat. I'm going to send a bottle to Alex Guarnaschelli.
nodressrehersal
Jul. 18th, 2013 01:54 am (UTC)
I'm sorry, but the condiment bin on our refrigerator door cannot possibly accommodate one more item. We have 4 different mustards (Weber's among them), Frank's hot sauce, and now Sriracha hot chili sauce, dill relish, sandwich pickles, ketchup, mayo, and I don't know what else, but it's filled to capacity. I think some have leaked into the bin below, where we have Ted's hot dog sauce AND Zweigle's hot sauce, among other things.
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 18th, 2013 03:01 am (UTC)
Someday, somehow, one of those will hit its expiration date, so you'll have room for the Hot Texan Sandwich Sauce.
cougarfang
Jul. 18th, 2013 01:37 am (UTC)
That's what shows like "Man vs Food" and "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives" and "Food Truck Wars" are for, if you just want the food angle. If you want the famous-chefs-cooking angle, there's grill-offs (particularly Bobby Flay things) and actually most TV celebrity chefs have their own little personal "hey here's how to cook this thing you can do at home" shows too...

...you can tell I watch too much food/cooking TV especially since I don't like to cook >_>;;; It's kind of the intersection between Albert's interests (fooooooood) and my interests (competence porn) so it's one thing that we can always agree to watch on TV.

Edited at 2013-07-18 01:40 am (UTC)
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 18th, 2013 03:00 am (UTC)
Adam Richman was outstanding on "Man vs. Food." Not so sure about his new show, though.

And I'm going to shy away from asking what "competence porn" is.
cougarfang
Jul. 19th, 2013 12:44 am (UTC)
Poking around, the term is first attributed to this post:
"Originally, the first act was comprised of multiple, foiled attempts to get the villain and the FBI out of the apartment. For budgetary and scheduling reasons those went away, and we wound up with one of the most sedate first acts we've ever had. Good Lord, how we agonized over spending so much time in the briefing scene in this ep. Ironically, this episode arrived just as we were collating feedback off the 'net and found, stunningly, you people love the briefing scenes. For we writers, it was always X pages of pipe we tried to make as entertaining as possible and move past to get into the plot. For the audience, watching competent people banter and plan was a big part of the appeal. "Competence porn" as we started calling it."

Basically, smart people doing what they're smart at, on camera. For me, Mythbusters is quintessential competence porn. You have two engineers who specialize in special effects, and you have an entire show of just them doing sciency things with their toolbox of engineering skills (which illustrates the scientific method, even if it isn't real "ivory tower" science. I mean, it's basically an engineer's idea of science. [/taking the piss out of engineers] See also: https://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbxk1yT4vY1qc8jh0o1_500.gif )

But there's stuff like the cooking show contests where you have master chefs doing master-cheffy things. Or Project Runway where you have professional fashion designers designing fashion. Or How It's Made which explains how things are made. Or TEDtalks. Or... etc.

I can't abide most American TV shows because it's stupid people doing stupid things - reality TV, talk shows, and oh soap operas are particularly egregious. I like watching smart people do smart things.
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 19th, 2013 02:24 am (UTC)
3.bp.blogspot.com/_AyQoVBdurqc/S77_C6gryaI/AAAAAAAAIuY/VR6CzL9Plfo/s1600/cartoons_calvin_and_hobbes_television_pander_to_me1000x335x256.gif

cougarfang
Jul. 20th, 2013 11:17 pm (UTC)
PANDER TO MY NEED FOR NOVELTY AND INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION :D

Edit: Tangentially relatedly, TheFerrett has a cooking show idea too: theferrett.livejournal.com/1836637.html

Edited at 2013-07-20 11:54 pm (UTC)
patrick_vecchio
Jul. 21st, 2013 12:34 am (UTC)
I'm on board with the 30 beers part.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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