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Your elected officials at work

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The House of Representatives is debating a proposal by President Obama to require the sun to rise in the east.

Republicans in the House of Representatives today signaled strong opposition to a plan by President Barack Obama to pass legislation requiring the sun to rise in the east.

"In these uncertain times, Americans need assurance that some things in their lives will not change," the president said. "By calling Americans' attention to the fact that the sun will indeed rise in the East every day, their lives will become a bit more secure."

However, in his annoying reliance on caesura when he speaks, a more accurate transcript would be

"In these uncertain times, American need assurance
"That some things in their lives
"Will
"Not
"Change.

"By calling Americans attention to the fact that
"The sun does indeed
"Rise in the east
"Their lives will become a bit more secure."

House Speaker John Boehner immediately responded, saying such a measure would have a hard time getting House approval.

"Once again, the president is seeking another wasteful spending project," the speaker said. "It will cost millions of dollars for the government to make sure that the sun does indeed live up to the terms of the president's proposal."

Boehner said some Republicans might look favorably on a compromise. "If the president's sunrise plan is accompanied by substantial reductions of clouds in the sky, this could be a situation we could support," he said. "Besides, everyone knows the sun always rises in the east."

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi immediately answered, "Does not."

"Does too," Boehner said.

"Does not," said Pelosi.

"Does too," said Boehner.

"You're not interested in governing. You are a hard-headed obstructionist," Pelosi said.

"I know you are, but what am I?" Boeher responded.

The president called for closed-door meetings in an attempt to resolve the dispute. "We may first have to define the word 'sunrise,'" he admitted.

Wall Street reacted unfavorably to the news, with all major indexes down sharply.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
sahlah
Jan. 9th, 2013 12:54 am (UTC)
At this point:

"I know you are, but what I am?" Boeher responded.

I busted out laughing.
patrick_vecchio
Jan. 9th, 2013 03:39 am (UTC)
That post wrote itself. The sad thing is, it's not that removed from what passes for governance in Washington.
sahlah
Jan. 9th, 2013 03:03 am (UTC)
patrick_vecchio
Jan. 9th, 2013 03:36 am (UTC)
I saw this on Rachel Maddow tonight. I think Congress lost by a bigger margin to head lice. Less popular than cockroaches? I don't know whether to smile or wince.
sahlah
Jan. 9th, 2013 05:35 am (UTC)
Yes - that is where I saw this survey as well, TRMS. :)
nodressrehersal
Jan. 12th, 2013 01:26 am (UTC)
"By calling Americans attention to the fact that
"The sun does indeed
"Rise in the east
"Their lives will become a bit more secure."

I, for one, will sleep better tonight, having read this.
patrick_vecchio
Jan. 12th, 2013 02:16 am (UTC)
Only in America.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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